Who Are You Following?

cassidyydesigns
Sep 23
14 min read

I remember it like it was yesterday… 3 summers ago I had come to the end of myself. I had spent night after night afraid to go to sleep in fear of anxious thoughts that raced. Then morning after morning, I was afraid to face the day, so I laid bed ridden with anxiety.

Anxiety said don’t go there, so I didn’t.

Anxiety said don’t do this, so I wouldn’t dare.

Anxiety said I couldn’t do anything, so I didn’t.

I felt stuck. I felt trapped. I was bound by lies, fear, and anxiety.

I cried out to God, when will this end? Do you care about me? Do you see me? Why is this happening to me? I am hurting. How did I get here? Will I ever see to the other side?

I was reading all the verses. Praying all the prayers. Singing all the worship songs. Crying way more than I was smiling. I was doing everything, but nothing was changing. So I started to question - does this even work? Does faith even work? Am I just doing it wrong?

I was in a deep, dark pit. And I had no way out.

To my dismay, however, He had already made a way. I already had my bags packed for a beach Bible retreat that weekend. With a friend in town, upstairs in my room, getting ready for the night because we would be driving down early the next morning.

Yet I sat on the stairs to my room by myself, trying to hold in my weeping. I had reached the point of just not wanting to go. I was so discouraged in the fight. So buried under the lies. Paralyzed by fear. And in walking into these retreats or worship nights, I prefer to be a little less in pain. But doesn’t everyone?

I started doubting that God could help me. I mean I knew there was nothing else I could do. So I prayed again… “Lord God please help me. I need you, In a new way. Please.” I was desperate for rescue.

I walked upstairs, faked a smile, and went to bed. And before the sun rose the next morning, we were on our way to the beach.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by the hosts and handed our room assignments. We unpacked our bags and headed back to the main room for roll call and beach time. We received our small group leaders for the weekend, ate dinner together, and raced back upstairs for the first session of our time together.

I remember the way she began her message was by telling us the title, “This is Where I Found Life.”

I immediately leaned in. Where did she find it? Because I’m looking for it right now.

She gave her testimony and ended the message with a question. “Are you following Jesus?”

She encouraged us to close our eyes and really ask Him if we were.

So I did. Clinching my seat, hanging onto hope like a thread. I remember sitting there. Pastor’s daughter. Born and raised to love and follow Jesus. And I always had. Yet I felt so worn down and heavy. I felt so lost. I don’t say any of this as a boast, but to show you my confusion. I shouldn’t be struggling, I thought.

So I began to pray, “Jesus, I know I am following you.” And He humbled me, “But Jesus, if I am not, please tell me. Can you please show me any ways in which I am not?” My grip loosened up.

He nudged me to look up. So I did. And I saw the girl speaking on stage. Praying to God during that same time we all were, yet she had the same bright smile on her face that she always has. Radiant. Glowing. Overjoyed.

And I asked myself, “well if I’m following Jesus like she is, then why do I not have that same joy that she has?

And He said to me, “letting anxiety lead your life is not truly following Me.”

Right then, my eyes were opened. My chest loosened. I could finally breathe. It was true… I had let anxiety rule my life. It told me what to do, where to go, how to think, what to believe. I was following it, and it had led me to the darkest pit of my life.

So that day, I decided to truly follow Jesus. And everything changed.

I think Jesus had me look up that day to realize that my head had been down for too long. Friend, maybe today you just need to look up. And see that He is always right there. Sometimes we are so down in the dumps that we forget He longs we look up and see Him.

And secondly, I think He showed me her joy to show me that following anxiety was stealing my joy.

Following Jesus is where Joy is found. We are not promised ease and happiness, we are actually promised hardship and trials. However, we are given joy because we are given The Holy Spirit. And He helps us and can never be taken from us. I personally know now that when I don’t have joy, it might be an indication that I need to reevaluate who I am following. Because somewhere along the way, I may have gotten too carried away in my feelings and worries.

The rest of the time there, every message was exactly what I needed. Everything God had ever told me, yet in a fresh, new way, just as I had asked God for.

I remember wanting to be baptized before I left, but there wasn’t a set plan for baptisms. So I didn’t ask. And I regretted it every moment of the following year, until I went back the next summer. God wasn’t going to let me leave again without baptizing me in that ocean. So I was baptized by the girl who spoke that message, who I will always love and look up to. I thank Jesus for her everyday.

And since this moment, there have been many more ways the Lord has met me in anxiety, to reshape my heart and renew my mind. To set my feet on a rock and lead me into new life. But today, I wanted to share with you this vital moment in my life, incase its of any encouragement to you. So…

Who are You Following?

Many people don’t like the direction their life is taking them, so they try to figure out how to go a different way. They keep getting frustrated when nothing seems to work. Perhaps the answer isn’t in where we going, it’s first in who we are following.

Who you are following will always indicate where you are going. When I was following anxiety, I was heading to destruction. To darkness. To chaos. To death. I had no way out. It wasn’t going to take me anywhere good. I had already seen that coming true. I felt there was no way out.

I let it direct my life. Lead my going in and coming out. It told me what people I could be around. It kept me from getting out of bed. It kept me from life. Life to the full.

I didn’t need a location change, I needed a direction change.

Jesus says, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” This is His promise to His followers in John 8:12.

And in Psalm 119:105 we are promised, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet, and a Light to my path.”

Following Jesus does not mean you know all the answers. It means You know the One who does. It does not mean you arrive and have it all figured out. It means you are on the path with the One is is making you like Him.

He is the lamp to our feet, so we must hold Him close. He promises we will never walk in darkness because He will be the Light to our path. It’s not about finding who we are, it’s about knowing who He is.

Following Jesus is not a distant task.

We can’t get any closer to Jesus than when we follow Him. No wonder He invites us to this life with Him!

Back when Jesus walked the earth, this idea of following Jesus was mirrored by a disciple following their Rabbi.

It was said that a Disciple would want to be so close to their Rabbi that they were covered in the dust kicked up by their Rabbi’s feet. Their steps would literally be walking in the dust of their Rabbi’s steps. They would hear every word their Rabbi said. Make every move their Rabbi made. So close, they wouldn’t miss a thing. So close, they couldn’t miss a thing!

I often worry that I will miss Him. I don’t know if you ever feel the same? But the Truth is, if I am following Him, I will not miss Him. I can’t. He won’t let me. He is too good of a teacher. And He is an even kinder God.

We should know this is true by the invitation to follow. Jesus left His throne to come dwell with us. God took on flesh, to die for us. He left Glory, to walk the dust. So that He could cover us with that dust. Reminding us that He is always with us.

He wants to walk with you. He wants to guide you. He wants to lead you. And even more so, He wants you to follow Him. Because He wants nothing more than to be with you. Forever.

If He intended on doing this life without us, He wouldn’t have invited Disciples to follow Him. But even more so, He wouldn’t have even come to earth at all.

Revelation 21:3-5 says, “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

From before those first steps in the garden to His voice from the throne - He has always wanted you to be His people, and He your God. To dwell with you, forever.

He came to you, so you could come to Him.

Can you hear the invitation?

John 1:43 reads, “The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Phillip, he said to him, “Follow Me.”’

The greek word for follow that is used here is akoloutheō. Which is a-, a particle of union. And keleuthos which means a road. Therefore, this word means to be in the same way with, to accompany (as a disciple), follow, reach.

To each disciple, Jesus invites them to be in the same way with Him. To not just do as he did, but to accompany Him while they do so.

To follow Jesus means leaving poor company for greater company. It means switching roads. It requires going a new way. But as He invites us to this new road, He promises that He is the One who walks with us.

So the invitation is not merely a formula, “leave everything, walk this way, and figure it out on your own”

The invitation is the adventure of a lifetime, “Come, walk with Me.”

I have always been intrigued by how the disciples heard the invitation, and at once, left everything to follow Him.

This often feels hard for us to do. How was it so easy for them?

Just because they did it, doesn’t mean it was easy. It doesn’t even just mean it was possible. But rather, it was impassible not to. It wasn’t easy to do, it was easy to see they had to.

Their decision to follow Jesus was far from mindless. I think they fully knew the cost, but right before their eyes was the Reward.

It was Jesus. Not what He could give them. But who He was.

And when they saw Him, they couldn’t say no.

Ready for an adventure of a lifetime. One that could only come from fully following Jesus. In the same way with Him. Accompanying Him.

Therefore, we can’t follow two things at once. Because they will always be going in two different directions.

Following Jesus is a change of direction. It is a complete life change. Praise God! It is never one foot in, one foot out. It is 2 feet walking beside Jesus into the new life that only He can bring.

Anxiety was leading me everywhere God was not. Into doubt, bondage, shame. Jesus leads me into deeper faith, freedom, and love.

If you feel as though you are letting something other than Jesus lead your life, this is not a condemning thing. This is an invitation of reevaluation.

To reflect on your life and ask if you are liking where you are heading.

That word reach, included in the greek definition of follow is interesting. “Reach me.” Perhaps this is because He has already reached out for you. All you have to do is reach your arms out to Him. So He can take your hand and walk with you, forever. Found by Him. Following Him.

He is reaching for you.

It may not always feel like it, but He is. He chases you down. He pursues your heart. He has set out to find you. And He wants to bring you home.

I've heard it before that He did the ultimate stretch on the cross, arms wide open. So He can reach all of us. What a Good God! Thank You Jesus!

Jesus reached for me. He found me. And He changed the direction of my life. And if He can do it for me, He can do it for you.

Even if you are not yet following Jesus, He has already found you.

Jesus went to each of His disciples to invite them to follow Him. He ‘found’ Phillip. He saw Matthew. And He stood in the boat of Simon Peter and Andrew.

In John 1:43-51, Jesus finds Phillip and invites Him. Then immediately Phillip goes to tell Nathanael, “this is the one we heard about!” Reluctantly, Nathanael went with him to Jesus, and Jesus saw Him approaching and He already knew Nathanael.

“How do you know me?” Nathanael asked.”

“Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Phillip called you.”

Before anyone ever shares Jesus with you. Before anyone ever invites you to follow Him. He saw you. He sees you while you still sit with your head low. He sees you while you are still bed ridden. While you doubt freedom is for you. While you question if He is there. Or wonder if He is ever coming to your rescue.

He sees you.

And He has set out to find you. And promises that with Him, you will see no end to the goodness He has for you.

“Jesus said, “You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.” He then added, “Very truly I tell you, you will see ‘heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on’ the Son of Man.” John 1:50-51

He didn’t have to convince the disciples to follow Him. Or else the Disciples would have written those conversations into the Gospels. They just chose to follow Him, to get to know Him, and see where He would lead them.

So where do you want to go? Who do you want to follow?

I am not saying I never struggled with anxiety ever again after that moment. But more so, it doesn't get to control me anymore. Jesus does. So when I have an anxious moment, I go to Him. This is true freedom. Not perfection. Not the lack of trouble or suffering, but the help in our suffering. I no longer have to let anxiety decide things for me, Jesus does. I no longer have to go where anxiety leads, because I follow Jesus. I go where He leads.

For so long anxiety had led my life. I had followed anxiety for so long, it seemed that was all I could follow. But His grace is always more. His invitation is always greater.

We see this in Luke 5. I still have it book marked in my Bible from that next morning of the beach bible retreat I went on 3 summers ago.

“He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets.” Luke 5:2

Perhaps they had come to their wits end too. No fish, again. Nothing going right. Wondering if God would provide. They had already brought their boats close to shore, not really planning to go back out. But left them in the water, still hanging onto if there would ever be hope in trying again. All while feeling stuck, with nothing to bring. We know this is true, because they had already begun to wash their nets.

They were cleaning their nets, removing debris from the ocean like mud and seaweed, preparing their nets for storage or repair.

You could say they were done trying. They were discouraged out of the fight. The results weren’t showing, so why try again?

Yet Jesus says, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Haven’t they already tried that? Didn’t it not work before? Why would they try again?

Perhaps it’s because of who said it. Perhaps He had a tone of hope and surety that they had never heard before.

Have you ever felt this way? You have tried everything, yet nothing works. Your last thought is to put the nets in again. I’ve been there too.

But Jesus.

“Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night, and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” Luke 5:5

But because You say so.

It wasn’t necessarily even what He said, it was Who said it.

What Jesus says trumps everything else that is said. Everything else.

… What is He saying to you today?

Is He inviting you to put out into deep, and let the nets down again?

That day I didn’t believe God had more to say to me. My nets were tried. I had felt defeated. Yet, He commanded me to put out in the deep and let the nets down again. My bags were packed, and I drove 7 hours to the retreat when I almost didn’t. And that next night, He spoke. And Because He did, I will never be the same.

Perhaps He has more for you than you see right now. Than you have seen before. Perhaps it lies in letting down the nets again. Letting go of the control. Letting go of what you think you know. Letting go of what you think you must do in your strength and power. Letting go of what keeps leaving you feeling empty.

Perhaps there is much more that lies in the nets when you finally let them go. When you let them down into the water. Only because Jesus says so.

Even if you have to do it again. Even if you don’t know why. And especially when it doesn’t make sense.

“When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full they began to sink.” Luke 5:6-7

Such a large number of fish that their nets began to break! What net is He wanting to break? What expectation is He wanting to exceed? He has exceedingly abundantly more than what can fit in a net. He has more than what you can ask, think, or imagine. He always has more.

Let Him break the net of your expectations. And make both boats so full, they begin to sink.

Both boats so full they began to sink! You don’t even know the fullness that lies on the other side of letting down the nets again.

So let down the nets again.

Leave it up to God to show you His glory. Let Him show you why there is no one else worth following.

What I love about this particular passage is that the Disciples' livelihood was essentially in how many fish filled that very net. When they had none, they had no hope, no life, no peace.

Yet when Jesus filled it in such a miraculous way, they didn’t think twice about it. They left the net and the fish behind. They followed Jesus.

They no longer needed the net that left them empty. Nor the fish that filled it from time to time.

They found a new life. One that satisfies. One that broke the net, but made them whole. One that didn't only fill the boats, but filled them. One that gave them purpose, identity, a future. They knew everything they would need - must be found in Jesus. "So... they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed Him." Luke 5:11