IF ONLY.

I recently started working at a boutique in addition to running Cassidy Designs. I've felt called to work there for so long, and finally took the step of faith to do so. God is already showing up in so many ways that I'd love to share with you at one point soon, but I have to stay on topic for this blog post… hahaha.

At this boutique, we hang post-it notes on the window in hopes that while walking by, someone will catch a glimpse at the truth of their identity in Christ. We encourage them to take one with them, and most people do.

This happens right outside the door, so I see everyone that walks past it.

They stop.

They wonder.

They marvel.

They consider.

Many say, “love this.” Some walk in and ask about it. Some bewildered that God met them exactly as they needed. Some wanting to know what it's really all about. It sparks conversation. But of course, some also just walk by. 

And with each interaction, I lean in deeper.

I stop.

I wonder.

I marvel.

I consider.  

Someone is watching how we respond to the truth, just as I watch each of them. I sit on the edge of my seat, often jumping up, just to see which one they take. Or if they'll even take one at all…. Yet I watch, always hoping they take one. 

Knowing someone is watching… makes me think about my response. How do I respond to Truth? How do I really respond? 

Is it the first thing I notice? Is it even what I'm positioning myself to see? Do I take it? Do I hold it with great affection and deep gratitude? 

Or do I not even look up? Do I glance, and walk away? Do I walk right past what could be my greatest reality and truest identity? 

This reminded me of the Passion Conference this year where Priscilla Shirer shared a quick, but powerful word to open the second morning. And I hope I never forget it…

She read John 18:38, “‘What is truth?’ retorted Pilate. With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him.’”

This was while Jesus was being tried by Pilate, before ultimately being crucified. Many Jews were saying one thing about Jesus, while others were saying another. Pilate was partly unbothered, but as the crowds kept pressing, he knew he needed to get to the bottom of it simply so the multitude would finally leave him alone. So he began asking for himself… “are you who these people say you are, or are you not?” 

Back and forth Pilate and Jesus went… Are you king of the jews? What have you done? Are you a king? 

Jesus did not retaliate. He didn't even need to defend. He did not fight back, He only responded with the Truth, ‘You say that I am a king. In fact, the reason I was born and came into the world is to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.’” John 18:37

To which Pilate asks, “What is Truth?”

What is Truth?

Priscilla stood still. With deep care, she said to us, “Here is Pilate with the greatest question, and he happened to find himself in the greatest position to hear the answer…. yet he turned away.”

Pilate asked his question. Then immediately went back out to the multitude. All while The Way, The Truth, and The Life was standing right in front of Him.

How often do we do the same?

Do we ask what's true? Do we position ourselves to hear it? Do we stay to listen? Then linger long enough to believe it? Or do we miss all of it?

How many questions do we walk away from that God longs to speak to us in? How many doubts do we run around with that Jesus holds the answer for in who He is? How much Truth of which we long for is simply waiting to see the way in which we will respond to it?

I sit at this check out counter for hours now. And I think about this. Post-its hanging, people walking. With each encounter I wonder…

Am I reaching out for The Truth? Or do I miss it by only keeping my head down?

Do I walk right past? Or do I linger long enough to believe it? 

Do I ask? And then wait for the answer? Or do I rush to whatever I can already hear?

For Pilate, the multitude was loud. They were shouting, they were persistent, they did not care about Pilate, only what they were hoping to convince him to do. Yet all the while… Jesus was standing right there. Ready to speak.

If only Pilate had stayed long enough to hear Him. 

One day, I sat perched behind the check out counter as a sweet older man and his wife walked in. The wife was already inside looking at everything in the store, while the man stood still at the window. He didn't seem sad, just detached. 

I noticed his eyes tracing the post-it notes. So I watched to see his response. 

He drew near…“Did you write these notes?” 

“Yes, you can take one!” I replied.

To which he followed, “Oh I would if only I believed that God loved me.”

At first, I did not fully comprehend the weight of His reply because I honestly didn't fully hear it in the moment. He mumbled, yet purposefully mumbled loud enough for me to hear. He said it assuredly, yet was open to hear differently. 

I was taken aback by this response because I honestly didn't expect such honesty. The honesty in the tone of his voice. And the rawness of His heart on full display. I just was in shock that someone who didn't believe the Truth would actually ask about it, and ask in the way He did. Not questioning what I believe, but questioning what he believes.

My mind raced. Why does He doubt God’s love for Him? Why was He telling me this? What do I even say? 

With a smile on my face, I gently replied, “He does! He sent His son to die for us!”

He shrugged, “Yeah I guess… everyday you believe He loves you?”

Everyday? Was this a test? A holy reminder from Heaven to remind me that I do know and believe God loves me everyday? Or was this a genuine qualifier for his question? That His love must be true everyday or else it is not true at all?

After each question, it felt like time stood still. I think it's because this was a Heavenly moment. Thankfully my heart answered before my sometimes discouraged mind could get in the way, “Yes I do. It really is crazy how much He loves us.” 

I don't remember all that followed this moment, but as he continued on into the store, his statement kept replaying in my mind. 

"If only I believed." If only.

My heart sank. Why? What is keeping Him from believing this? I wanted to ask but before I knew it, he was leaving the store. 

“Hey, you keep on believing.” He nodded his head toward me like he knew I held the Truth in my heart, yet was still waiting for it to click in His.

“Thank you. You too, cause it's for all of us!” I tried to encourage him back.  

I don't know if I handled this well. I don't know if I said all the right things. I don't know if I said too much, or if I said enough. I don't know if he thought I was being pushy. I don't know if our conversation meant as much to him as it meant to me. I don't know. But God knows. And as the man was still rummaging through the clothes and while I watched him walk past the store over and over throughout the afternoon, I prayed for him. I joined Jesus in interceding for this man whom God created with utmost attention, devotion, and love. I hoped to talk more with him. But overall, I trust Jesus. I trust that He sowed a wonderful seed in his heart that will grow in ways I can’t even imagine, yet hope to see one day.

Just as Isaiah 55 says, no word that goes out from God’s mouth will “return to Him empty, but will accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent it.. As the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater.” 

Because the answer to His question is that God really does love him. How do I know? Because the man would not have been curious if God did not love him. The man wouldn't have even walked into the store if God was not already pursuing him. He would not have had the humility to ask me a question that his heart must deeply long for the truth of, if God did not already love him more than he could even imagine. 

God loves us because He made us. If He didn't love us, then He wouldn't have made us or longed to be with us in the garden, on earth, or for all of eternity. Yet then in Christ, He loves us as His children. How do I know this? Because we are so undeserving of His love. We have failed Him time and time again. Since the beginning of time, we have chosen any and everything else before Him. Yet He loves us. So He chose us anyway. At the chance that we may never choose Him back. Yet with great longing that we will. 

He made promise after promise. Spoke prophecy after prophecy. He made us lean in, and He followed through. He fulfilled every single prophecy, kept each and every promise. He was faithful to every covenant even when we were unfaithful. And He became the fulfillment and the greater of that covenant. God came to us in the form of a baby. The only one true God took on flesh to dwell with us. To walk with us. To relate to us. To show us how to live. And if that's not already enough… He died for us. 

We are helpless, without the ability to save ourselves. We are not even knee deep in sin, we are in over our heads deep with absolutely no way out. But Jesus. He came because only He could save us. So He did. 

God loves us because He made us. But then God really loves us and we know this because He sent Jesus to save us. And we recieve this love when we acknowledge our deep need for it. That we are lost without Jesus and need Him to save us. When we turn from our sin, believe in our heart, and confess with our mouth that Jesus is our Lord and Savior - we are now found in Him. And stand secure in His Love forever.

What a marvelous gift! Oh how He loves us!

His love is the truest thing we will ever know. The most humbling thing we will ever hear. The surest hope we can ever hold. The most important thing to remind ourselves of. The one thing that will change us from the inside out. And the most real and lasting thing we will ever experience.

So yes to this sweet, curious man who walked into this boutique thinking it was just another Thursday afternoon for his wife to shop the town. Yes, in God’s unrelenting love, this was a divine appointment with the living God who had this moment written in this man’s book and written in the one God is writing for me … because He loves us. Both of us. 

If only we believed this. Truly believed it. Everyday. 

If only we stopped.

If only we wondered.

If only we marveled.

If only we considered.

If only we lingered just long enough to be met with the Truth.

Our truest reality. Our greatest identity. 

If only we realized that God is right there. With every once of love He could possibly pour on you. Uncontainable, bubbling over, ready to shower it all on you. He is sitting there perched behind the counter. Heart beating out of His chest. Head peeking over the counter. Already knowing you'll walk past when you do. Yet still sitting on the edge of His seat, jumping up to see you. His eyes never looking away.

He waits and He waits and He waits. 

He writes the Truth by His own nail scarred hands. He puts the sticky notes up. And there they'll remain. As the wind blows, while the rain pours. During the sunshine. 

For “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.” Isaiah 40:8

So there He will wait. With all the truth you will ever want and need. All for you to reach out and hold and discover and believe. 

Will you walk by?

Will you look up?

Will you reach out?

Will you be met in Truth by the God who loves you? 

He watches and He waits for you to respond. 

Will you stop?

Will you wonder?

Will you marvel?

Will you consider?

He waits. Not so He can force you to love Him. But so you might just get one glimpse into how much He loves you. 

Because He knows… if only. 

He knows that if only we knew. If only we believed it... it would change everything. 

So I ask you… Do you believe He loves you? Everyday?